Death reminds us that we are children. For those of us who live into old age, death returns us to a state of frailty and dependence. For anyone who believes in God, this would seem to be perfectly intentional. We enter this world utterly dependent, and we leave this world critically aware of exactly how…
In January of 2020, Cece and I spent a month visiting my grandparents in Florida, planning our return for early February, when we were scheduled to visit NIH to get Cecilia tested for a genetic disorder that may possibly be affecting her eyes. I spent much of that month fielding comments and questions from well-meaning…
If you can’t fly, then run; if you can’t run, then walk; if you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward. – Martin Luther King, Jr. July 2013: Sweat beads on my brow, dripping to pool above my lips, gathering in droplets on my nose. My breathing grows…
Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer;Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned;The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity. – William Butler Yeats, “The Second Coming” I’ve had…
There is a wrongness about death that feels inescapable, as illogical as this is. The entire structure of the created world is that of decay and regeneration, and yet, the death of a human person feels like it must be avoided at all costs. We cannot accept it. Something about it feels unnatural, wrong, inhuman….
The Latin root for the word compassion is pati, which means to suffer, and the prefix com- means with. Compassion, originating from compati, literally means to suffer with. www.compassion.com There are places in the human heart too raw and terrible to be translated into speech. There are times when the pain of a loved one is so mammoth…
There is a term called “existential loneliness,” indicating that the very state of being human is to be alone, to suffer alone, to die alone. Some argue we are living in an epidemic of loneliness, even before this pandemic and social isolation. I have heard doctors refer to cancer cells as “acting out of a…
The old house stretched, vast and creaking, before us. My little sister and I walked, brushing reverent fingertips across two-hundred-year-old thresholds and peeking tentative heads into music rooms and servant’s quarters. The timbre of the docent’s voice held the same rich quality as the mahogany banister, spiraling a dizzying three flights heavenwards. Without warning, the…
Two days before Lizzy got sick, I took her to daily mass at the Basilica of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in Emmitsburg, MD. During mass, Lizzy fell asleep in my arms. I stood in the pews of the beautiful vaulted church, staring at the intricate mosaics and relishing the warmth of the sun filtering in…
I just thought of one thing that’s permanent. Love. – Olaf, Frozen 2 September 29, 2020 Cecilia lay fitfully beside me, fading in and out of sleep. Again and again, she veered towards consciousness, crying briefly and bumping her head against the headboard, unable to settle and unable to sleep. I murmured meaningless noises, trying…