The Latin root for the word compassion is pati, which means to suffer, and the prefix com- means with. Compassion, originating from compati, literally means to suffer with. www.compassion.com There are places in the human heart too raw and terrible to be translated into speech. There are times when the pain of a loved one is so mammoth…
For the first time since Lizzy died, it feels like time is moving too fast. Once, I imagined that next two years would be an excruciating turtle-crawl towards the two-year-old finish line. Instead, I find myself so busy that the days are blurring together in an endless continuum of whatever I can get done and…
In April of 2018, I took Lizzy to visit my big sister and brother-in-law’s new home, never dreaming that it would become our home too in less than a year. What I remember most from that visit was the massive and majestic cherry tree in full bloom on the right side of the house. The…
“We have always feared Elsa’s powers were too much for this world; now, we must pray they are enough.” – Grandfather Pabbie, Frozen 2 When I was a little girl, my father used to read me to sleep. Sometimes, I can still hear his voice, still feel his arms enfolding me while I sat on his lap, the book…
Before the start of the holidays, my therapist told me that Jewish tradition believes we will be held accountable for the joy that was offered to us which we refused to experience. I admit this concept has dominated much of my free thought throughout this Christmas and New Years. The problem, however, is not that…
Hopsewee Plantation, Georgetown, SC, August 2018 The docent ushered us up the grand staircase of the old plantation house to the second floor. Lizzy wriggled and twisted in my arms, straining her neck to catch a view down the stairwell. I bounced and jiggled her through the description of the upstairs bedrooms, whispering occasional acknowledgements…
This past week, I took a continuing education course in bioethics from my graduate school, the Pontifical John Paul II Institute in Washington, DC. I’m not sure what I expected from this course, but I don’t think I expected it to address the heart of my grief so acutely. I suppose it was inevitable to…
In September of 2018, Lizzy and I traveled to Florida to visit my grandparents for a week. My grandmother took us to the aquarium, where Lizzy pressed eager palms against the endless tanks of native fish, the dim blue light reflecting on her wide, gap-toothed smile. We reached into a shallow, circular tank to pet…
Yesterday was ten months to the day since Lizzy died. This means that for approximately 300 days, I have cried every day. The early days spent themselves in oceans of tears, inexhaustible and draining. Then, like a criminal, I began to hide my tears from those who already felt so helpless to soothe them. Eventually,…
Meditation: Jesus comes into the world to die for the world. We are born to suffer and die. This is the problem that walks with me, dogging my every step. Memories of Lizzy dance with tiptoes, glinting like fairy lights around every corner, and yet the problem of human pain and death thuds dully behind…