You’re going to wake up from your nap soon so I’m going to hop off but I will write once more before your sister gets here. I think we’re on the right track, Lou. I’m happier, you’re happier. We’re settled, we’re following a routine, we’re fighting for what we believe in. That’s what matters. We’re…
My mind balks anytime anyone uses the word “healing” to describe what I’m doing or need to do or what has to happen from here on out. And I get it, I really do. Tragedy, despair, and misery are fundamentally unsustainable. The average human person cannot maintain a state of any of these things indefinitely….
The day that we arrived at Children’s Hospital, my younger sister gave me one of the socks that Lizzy had been wearing that morning to hold and stroke since I could no longer touch my baby, who had been surrounded by teams of medical professionals all day. That little sock was what I had of…
“Although we know that after such a loss the acute state of mourning will subside, we also know we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually that is how it should be. It…
When sobbing, there is a point that you reach where you stop breathing. Like holding a note while singing, the sob stays frozen in your mouth and heart for an untold period of time while your heart continues to beat and your mouth is open, perhaps emitting a small whining noise, but you have ceased…
In the days before Cecilia was born, I asked my older sister if she thought that Cecilia would bring us pain relief. She said she thought it wouldn’t be much better but it would be better than the abhorrent limbo in which we were all suspended between the death of Lizzy and the birth of…
I have days where I hide from Lizzy. I hide from her toys, her clothes, her pictures. I hide from my cell phone background that has a picture of us laughing at the lavender farm. I hide from thoughts and memories of her. I hide because I must stop what I am doing and grieve…
A year ago yesterday was my husband’s and my sixth anniversary, making yesterday our seventh if we were not separated. A year ago yesterday, I told him I wanted us to go to the aquarium as a family (him, me, and Lizzy) and then out to dinner afterwards. We did and had a fantastic day….
Fetal microchimerism (FMc) describes the persistence of low numbers of fetal cells in the mother after a pregnancy. A number of recent studies suggests FMc may play a role in the etiology of some autoimmune diseases. Remarkably, FMc has been demonstrated to persist for up to 38 years after pregnancy… – http://www.bloodjournal.org/content/102/10/3465?sso-checked=true Pregnancy, in itself, is…