It’s a long time that I’ve loved you. Never, never go away. – “Love Song of the Little Bear”, Margaret Wise Brown An ash leaf drifts on the surface of the water, vermilion and thin, as the sand sucks slowly at my ankles. The bay’s chill embrace beckons with curling fingers, veins of sand running…
In April of 2018, I took Lizzy to visit my big sister and brother-in-law’s new home, never dreaming that it would become our home too in less than a year. What I remember most from that visit was the massive and majestic cherry tree in full bloom on the right side of the house. The…
Look at where you areLook at where you startedThe fact that you’re alive is a miracleJust stay alive, that would be enough – “That Would Be Enough”, Hamilton Scarcely a month after Cecilia was born, I texted my big sister that just because Cece isn’t Lizzy doesn’t mean that she’s any less worth dedicating my…
Lizzy was born one hour and fourteen minutes into the first day of spring: March 20, 2017. She was named Aviva, Hebrew for “spring.” She was baptized on April 22, 2017. She died on April 5, 2019, one week before Easter. Cecilia’s due date was April 22, 2019, but she wasn’t born until May 5,…
I’m five years old, and the noon sun sets my skin to prickling as I kneel in the red soil of the strawberry fields of Larriland Farm in Woodbine, MD. My sisters and my mother crouch nearby, busily filling their baskets as telltale streaks of juice dry on their chins. I lean forward to uncover…
I just thought of one thing that’s permanent. Love. – Olaf, Frozen 2 September 29, 2020 Cecilia lay fitfully beside me, fading in and out of sleep. Again and again, she veered towards consciousness, crying briefly and bumping her head against the headboard, unable to settle and unable to sleep. I murmured meaningless noises, trying…
I remember being enamored in my undergraduate days with the philosophy of beauty for beauty’s sake. I was undeniably drawn to the idea that beauty had inherent worth despite its alleged lack of utilitarian value. I even disputed this idea, arguing that beauty as a psychological construct serves to orient volition towards the good, as…
I spent my undergraduate years insatiably devouring mystical and sacred texts from world religions, desperately hoping to find answers to the inexhaustible questions of life. Among the most important of these questions to me was the nature and meaning of suffering. Buddhist teaching frustrated and repelled me because it advocated eliminating attachment as a way…
Like most sighted toddlers, Lizzy was a wonderful mimic. She loved doing all the grown up things that I would do. When I brushed my hair, she wanted to brush her hair; when I put on lip balm, she thrilled when I next bent to apply it to her tiny, pursed lips. When I swept…
In recent weeks, I have been forced to conclude that happiness is something that sort of sneaks up on you. I think I reject the idea that you can “deserve” happiness or even pursue happiness as though it’s some sort of end in itself. I rather suspect that happiness is instead a byproduct of 1)…