When Lizzy was about five months old, I woke to her sunbathing and cooing in a pool of morning light streaming through our window. It had been our pattern to begin our morning with morning kisses and cuddles, but something about that morning was particularly special; she was so happy, so content to let me…
The thing about grief is that you don’t only have to deal with your own grief; you have to deal with everyone else’s grief too. Sometimes this is a gift, when their tears or breakdowns reassure you how much your child was loved and wanted. But sometimes it is a burden, when their grief causes…
You’re going to wake up from your nap soon so I’m going to hop off but I will write once more before your sister gets here. I think we’re on the right track, Lou. I’m happier, you’re happier. We’re settled, we’re following a routine, we’re fighting for what we believe in. That’s what matters. We’re…
“Although we know that after such a loss the acute state of mourning will subside, we also know we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually that is how it should be. It…
Cecilia has started talking to me. She is almost six weeks old, but she started chatting with me about a week ago. Newborns have this state termed “active alert” in which they are calm, quiet, and during which learning is at a peak. They spend this time looking at anything and everything around them, moving…
Throughout those dark, horrible hospital days while I was watching my daughter’s life slip away, I had one song stuck in my head, playing on repeat. That song was “By My Side” from the musical, Godspell. But I only had one part of the refrain playing over and over again. The lyrics to the part…
I gave birth to Cecilia Amaris Brighde at 2:42 am on May 5, 2019, and her birth was a pretty effective anesthetic for Lizzy’s death. For about a day. Cecilia’s birthday was a day of grace and light and even some joy for me. It was also a day during which I felt that Lizzy…